you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
