Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
