Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
