somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
