so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
