My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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