doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So vagazzling was a success
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
