god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
