I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
