Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
