So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
