I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
