I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
