dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
