I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
