The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
