It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
