i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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