Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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