sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Randomize
