sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
