she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
