I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
