Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just invented taco cereal.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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