When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
