"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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