You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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