We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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