I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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