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i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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