You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
