His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
