Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
