Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
