I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh god it's open bar.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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