So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
