not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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