I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
