i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
