We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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