Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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