Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
