you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
