i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
