They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
