Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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