i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
This toilet bowl is my home.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
