I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
