last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
