I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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