i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
