My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
