I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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