shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
