dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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