I can text with my tongue
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
